Ljubav

Od opcija sam imala samo da odem

By 6 juna, 2017 36 Comments

Javili su mi da si pronašao vlasnicu svoga prezimena. Ruka mi je zadrhtala, ali srce više nema gde da napukne. Tako sam mislila.
Sjajno i srećno,rekoh naglas ali ne pomislih isto u sebi.
Ja sam uveliko bila hiljadama kilometara daleko. Fizicki,da.
Sela sam na iznajmljeni krevet u svojoj iznajmljenoj sobi i otvorila fioku. Crno bela fotografija,sa dočeka. Nikada se više nisam tako smejala, i kako pogledah u svoje rupičaste obraze pune sreće tako me izda srce i pusti emocije da kaplju niz obraz i slivaju se do srca gde ih koza ponovo upije i vrati na početak.
Nikada te nisam prebolela. I nikada nisam prestala da verujem da ćeš me potražiti iako sam spakovala kofere i otišla još dok si ti crtao osmeh nekoj drugoj i reprizirao našu vezu. Ista prica,različite devojke.
O još kako svaka nesuđena ljubav liči jedna na drugu. Jedino sto svako pati na svoj način. Ja sam patila tako što sam zauvek otišla. Da te ne sretnem jednog dana,gledajući kako manju verziju sebe držiš u svojim rukama sav srećan jer si postao otac. Tu sreću ne mogu da delim sa tobom. Toj tvojoj sreći se ne mogu radovati.
A još pamtim kako si se drznuo da me nepoznat pitaš za ples,zgaziš me pripit na cipelu i kažeš da mi vidiš u očima ljubav. Da,malena,zavolećeš me uskoro.
Znao si.
Ti si u mom životu bio onaj muškarac koji ženu nauči kako i šta ne treba. Neke se udaju za takve pa pate pored njih,a ja sam otišla da patim daleko od tebe. I šta misliš kojoj ženi je bolje… Samo eto,pitam.
Zatvorila sam fioku,prethodno vrativši sliku. Nema značaja da je bacim,neke uspomene obrišeš tek kad umreš.
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